Sunday, June 28, 2015
I find myself calming down now. I rested last night, and that's the most important accomplishment I've made in weeks. Things have been slowly returning to normal for me, but I know I'm going to have my good and bad days. I still am frustrated in the same ways I was Thursday/Friday, but I'm doing what I can to not be as stressed as I was. It's important to let go and let God. I know that sounds like such a cliche, but for me, it is one of the most important lessons I've had to re-learn over and over.
I have this really bad habit of obsessing over work. I fall into a pattern of constantly thinking about work and doing too much while I'm there. There's a reason why I was so exhausted all of the time when I was an editor. (When you work in journalism, your work never stops.) I don't know that I'm mentally able to work a 9-to-5 like other people can. I almost think I'm designed to be in a job that never quits and exhausts me. I know it sounds crazy, but despite the stress and fears and tears... That's the kind of work I love. And I love this job, so I think I'm trying to do the same thing here.
I just have to learn how to breathe more. Work is going to be hard, but at least if I'm in this deep, it means I care. Some people go their whole lives never having a job they care about.
"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them."