Friday, March 28, 2014

"Don't ever feel useless..."

"Don't ever feel useless because you are a beautiful soul and you have a lot of things in life, you're just waiting for those doors to open."

I'll admit, despite the positivity I try to spread, I do often doubt my self--my self worth, my usefulness, my everything. Something told me to text Lyndsey, just to say "hey." I've been trying to remind myself to do this regularly: reach out. It's hard to be 3,000 miles away from everyone and remember to always keep up communication; I'm easily distracted because this is still a new place so I'm still focused on here and now. But what she said to me, I needed to hear more than anything.

I get that right now, my life isn't that exciting. But I'm far from bored; I'm not some spoiled brat that thinks I don't have enough to keep my mind stimulated. Having said that, I can understand, when my friends find out that I don't do "much" (in their opinion) with my day-to-day compared to the constant busy lifestyle they were so used to from me, people being shocked or thinking I don't have much going on. But hearing that my day-to-day to someone sounds boring, that's all I needed to hear to break my spirit in half.

We all move at our own paces, and right now I'm fine with my pace. It's not as if I'm not trying. I have my resume floating around a few places, I'm just waiting for someone to bite. But I needed reminding that just because I don't have a title doesn't mean I'm completely devoid of purpose. I am someone, and I am someone to someone else.

I guess what I'm saying is, even when you're feeling completely down about your lot in life, you have to look at the positive. Go take a walk, listen to some music, remember why you're here. Don't ever feel useless.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Not So Hot Days

I haven't felt too hot the last couple of days, so I've been finding things that make me happy and trying to do them. Yesterday, I spent time with a friend of mine, Danny (who is actually Trey's best friend), and everything was fine until I got home and got dizzy. Turns out withdrawals from even anxiety medication are a real thing. Who knew? (Probably everyone, but that's beside the point.) 

While I watched episodes of Most Popular Girls in School on YouTube to recoup, I glanced at my little corner of the room--my computer desk littered in pretty and fun things. It's nice to have a little corner to retreat to when you're not feeling so hot. For some people it's the bed, but I've been the type of person to feel a little weird just cooping up in a bedroom away from everything--probably because I learned in college that I hated being cooped up in my dorm for too long.

The best part about my little corner of the world is that should I start to feel a little better, there are plenty of things here that can spark inspiration for me--reasons to write, draw or just go out and see things. And if not, it's nice to have the computer and an external hard drive full of things to do.


***Yesterday marked our first month being married, so that's cool. I just hate that I felt so off.***

Friday, March 21, 2014

A Memory Card of Lost Adventures

Sometimes when you go through your camera, you find pictures you forgot about. Sometimes they're too good not to share.

(Related post: Honeymooning in Hogsmeade)

1-3: Wizarding World of Harry Potter
4 & 5: Seuss Landing
6 & 7: Home

Monday, March 17, 2014


I've read few studies on dreams, but as remarkable as the studies can seem, I like a little mystery. I don't like to always over analyze what I'm dreaming, or believe there could be something deeper there. Sometimes, it's just a dream.

I've always had strange dreams--most of the time full of a lot of action and dialogue. Apparently I'm not the only one in my family who has such an active imagination while unconscious. I never hear about his dreams anymore, but I remember being young and hearing my brother crying or laughing in his sleep. He always seemed to have very active dreams. I had symptoms similar to insomnia growing up; I was up late enough to hear his half of the dreams before I dropped into my own.

Once, before my brother was even old enough for kindergarten, I remember hearing shouting from his bedroom. I got out of bed--terrified for the little guy--and rushed in. He was asleep, but very noisy. I didn't know how to handle a kid in a nightmare. I didn't even know how to handle myself in a nightmare back then. We were both just young and trapped in our own dreams. I found Mamma and Daddy a couple of rooms over and told them Heath was having a nightmare, and I didn't know what to do. They both gave me sympathetic smiles and crept into his room with me--my mother and I stayed at the bedroom door while my father sat on the edge of my brother's bed.

"Hey, buddy," Daddy said softly. Heath sat right up. His eyes were wide open, but he was completely asleep, still trapped. "Daddy!" he shouted.
"Shhh," my dad cooed. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"The soldiers! They're everywhere! They keep shooting at me and I'm out of ammo! I don't know what to do!" He looked as if he could cry.
"Hey, hey, don't worry!" Daddy winked at Mamma and me. "You see that bush over there?"
"I'm behind it! Do you see me?"
"Yeah! Daddy!"
"Shhh! Don't give me away!"
"I've got plenty of ammo in my sniper rifle. I'm gonna' get 'em for you."
"Okay! Please Daddy, they're gonna' kill me..."
"No, they aren't! I won't let anybody hurt you." Daddy made a few small noises--the minimal noise you'd hear in movies or games with sniper rifles that had silencers on them. That's the small bit of knowledge I could identify with when it came to sniping. I knew that sound, and so did Heath--he smiled.
"I got him! Did you see it?!" Daddy said.
"Yeah! Get the other one! By the bunker!" Heath said.
"Alright!" Another noise. "I got him!" Another noise. "Look! They're all gone. They won't hurt you."

Heath's eyes slowly shut again and he melted back into the form in his bed. Daddy pulled the covers over his shoulder. "Thank you, Daddy."
"You're welcome, baby boy."

My brother was back in dream land, but thanks to the coolest warrior we both know, he was dreaming of victory at last.

Thursday, March 13, 2014


I got the tour shirt, y'all! Suck it!

I found a message in the mail a couple of days ago that said a package was waiting in the office for us--so I pranced over, thinking it was another wedding gift--and found the tour shirt I ordered after the honeymoon. I'm so happy! These shirts sold so quickly. As far as designs go, this is by far her best designed merch she's ever had--a lot of them have just been boxy/framed-off pictures of her smacked onto a shirt. This was actually designed well and makes one hell of a tour shirt.

I didn't actually mention it here, and I realized that after I saw the shirt. This tour is Demi Lovato's first, real tour since--I think--Unbroken, and it was a blast! After the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, we drove down to Tampa, and Trey sat through the whole thing with me. He's too sweet, honestly. I don't know many guys that would do that. I got to see Fifth Harmony and Little Mix live, and they were both great. But I was really excited for Demi, obviously, and she delivered.

The whole thing just felt like a party! She did so many songs from the past six to seven years, that it was hard not to get excited.

This was my second time seeing her, and it was even better than my first show, last March (and that show was amazing). And I unexpectedly busted into tears during "Nightingale," "Warrior" and "Skyscraper," but I still sang my butt off the whole night and could barely talk at the end of it all. I think a lot of people have artists/bands who have helped them through stuff. Some people still think "Disney" when they think of Demi's name, but they forget that she's a 20-something now and she's reaching out to people to help them. So, when people hear I like her, their initial reaction is to tease, but I'm sure they like something that I think is silly, too, so I try not to judge.

Demi's a badass, and her tour was/is amazing!

***That final picture is actually one that I found online (I think Demi Tweeted it), so it's in fact, not mine, but it's badass, right?!***

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Learning New Things in a New Place

I'm ashamed to say that originally moving here, I carried with me a lot of my Atlanta paranoia. I have no problem with large crowds or big cities like some people. I just don't trust a lot of people. But in some of those heavily populated areas in Georgia there are constant break-ins and people going missing. I still love everything about being raised in Georgia, but the crime rate there isn't exactly something to brag about. (It doesn't help that my father is in law enforcement, so I get to hear about it more than others.)

I'm still a bit on my toes here, because I do like precaution, but it's nice to be in a place where people keep to themselves. They're worried about their business, not yours. We are the coffee and bicycle capital here--you just don't get much more hipster and peaceful than that.

Oh, and the various breeds of cherry trees are blooming, too. Today was such a beautiful day.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Spring is Slowly Approaching

While some channel on our very basic cable was playing through a marathon of Sex and the City, I took another walk. The air and sun felt great on my skin. That's when I realized: Spring is slowly approaching.

When I came back from my walk, Sex and the City was still on, and this time it was an episode about twenty-somethings versus thirty-somethings. I'm proud to say, that despite being a twenty-something, I will never subscribe to the partying lifestyle or personality deficiencies that ravaged the twenty-somethings they made fun of in the episode. I prefer walks outside in the warm sun to vomiting beer from a keg during a beach bonfire. Though, I do love bonfires--I just prefer to not get crabs or drunk during them.

So about this spring thing--I can dig it. I'm ready to see what blooms here.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Southern Charm

It would be one of our last visits in Georgia before the move; the house was as it always was--antiquated but full of southern charm. The sun always beaming through the windows and the elderly couple who owned the home always beaming at one another. If there were such a thing as a perfect marriage, they had it, as much as two could.

There are some things about the south that you cannot get anywhere else. While I'm happy to be miles away from rednecks and I won't as often hear songs about red solo cups and hoedowns, not all of it is about that. Sometimes it's charming folk and bluegrass with better messages than mainstream radio. Sometimes it's turnip greens and corn bread with every other meal. Sometimes it's country accents that add to the southern charm and not detract from what someone is saying. Sometimes it's something as simple as hearing an older woman, who has lived in south Georgia her entire life, say "Well, I do delcare!" and it's a sincere expression.

It is a strong hug that envelopes you on all sides and someone saying, "I love ya', be safe now!"

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Clouds and Evergreen Trees

The Seattle area is different: in people, environment, climate and style. There are bands here I've always loved from miles away that are signed to labels nearly next door. There are more bicycles here than I've ever seen anywhere--even on a college campus. The hipster crowd is abundant and so is the organic section of each market, but it's a little taste of something different. Less Paula-Deen-servings of butter, less Garth Brooks, less humidity.

I may not know what I'm going to do yet. I have ideas, and I'm taking my time. But when I look and see all the evergreen trees and mountains I feel at home and I feel at peace. At least for now, this is where I think I'm supposed to be.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

See you later, Georgia...

Hello, Seattle. I am officially across the country. Now it's time to catch up on sleep.


The new tattoo is of a hummingbird (for Brian Doyle's "Joyas Voladoras"), and two peach blossoms (for Georgia).