Monday, February 11, 2013

Becoming a Wanderer

You're only as strong as the glass case you hide in--like a porcelain doll perfectly presented to the world that matters. That's what she taught me. I want to be more than that, I thought. I was just sitting behind a computer screen avoiding more work, because that has become my profession. I manage to achieve a lot of virtual work in a day and remain physically listless until called upon. Like a happy lie.

Rather, I would like to try and achieve all I can because that is what I am sitting at this desk to do. The rest will fall into place when I get up and stretch. Because I'm not an antique--something aging by the day and immobile. I am a wanderer pleading to be let out of her cage. And life is out there, somewhere--for the past 22 years, the world has served me well, to some degree. It doesn't deserve a lie, nor do any of the people about whom I write.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


Imagery is such a strong tool in language. The ability to take a few words and make someone feel is a powerful and underestimated skill. I wonder who the first person was to coin "a broken heart." We say it without thinking of how captivating such a phrase can be. Because when you have a broken heart, it literally feels as though someone reached for the most vital of your organs and pulled it apart with a grip akin to Samson.

It's sensory--"a broken heart"--because you feel it deep in your bones. Your body heaves as you try to catch your breath--muscles struggling to lift and relax your chest cavity. Then there is a release; you let go. You let go only after putting on a brave face, one you barely have the strength to fake, and you face those fears and the one who has broken you. Because a broken heart means more than just a punctured organ. That heart, now aching, flows life through you and when it breaks, so do you.

That release gives you purpose. You find some sort of supernatural way to loosely mend your heart back together and move forward--because you have to, or because of a revelation you really did find when you fought your way through the torment. Then there is strength. When the most important part of you has fallen apart and was miraculously put together again, how much stronger can you possibly get? You conquered Samson and your reward is tomorrow.