Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Scared

Before, I was scared that I couldn't take the job or take the responsibility. Then she said something striking. She always knows how to say something to pull at my "heartstrings"--that instrument that keeps me alive is sounding more and more like a fiddle than a piano or harp these days.

"You don't have to be perfect."

It was simple--a simple sentence, a simple statement, a simple thought--easy. Of course I don't have to be, but I feel obligated to be. Just as I always have. It's what tore me apart years ago--the idea of perfection--and what motivates me to do better today. There's something about hearing the reassurance that perfection is a construct no one can reach makes me feel more at ease.

What she said was triggering, but she set me free that morning when she said it. I know I'll be happier if I take on the responsibility, and I know if I'm scared then it's something worth conquering.

I discovered something even more interesting that day: Revelatory writing may seem overdone, but revelations are for everyone--even small ones, like mine.

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