Saturday, March 23, 2013

I never get sick.

I never get sick, and when I do I am the biggest baby ever. Reality suddenly becomes this surreality of cuddling my pillow so hard I'm practically dry-humping it and enough medication to make me think I'm a novice existentialist. (I'm not.) I never really take medication, either. I do more now than I did growing up--because the "real world" requires caffeine and migraine medication. But even still I try to tell myself that not every little ache requires a pill. Our bodies are more resistant than that. And there is a 60's conspiracy theorist living inside me, reminding me everyday that we don't really know what long-lasting effects pills can have on us. At any rate, I don't want to be a slave to Tylenol, or need Ambien to sleep at night. I want to feel in control, I guess.

The worst part about being sick is that you never truly know how sick you can be until you pop a Mucinex. That chalky pill, that makes me gag if I unfortunately taste it as it goes down, loves to make everything worse before it will make it better. My body isn't equipped for this. Jennifer Lawrence once said, while stumbling through a speech while sick: "I feel like all three Stooges right now." If I were less lightheaded I could top that. Instead, I'm reading Bossypants by Tina Fey and reminding myself that being pathetic is not the road less-travelled. And I mean that sincerely and lovingly. Fey is a genius. While my fellow classmates are enjoying sand, salty water and sunshine, my spring break consists of cuddles with animals, copious amounts of tissue and all of the carbs I can get my hands on. Which is okay. Better a runny nose than bad decisions oceanside.

However, I do need my body to "get it together," as one of my former roommates says. College is no place for runny noses and whining. I can't get an A in that. I still have papers to write and a job to do. And I'm still hungry after eating my weight in Doritos. This is why I never get sick.

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Anon allowed again!