Thursday, December 16, 2010
It is in my nature to worry; to worry about the future, over-analyze the past and even worry about the present as I am sitting in on the moment. I would not go as far as to say I am a chronic worrier. I know when to breathe and definitely know how to laugh--I am often caught with a case of the giggles on a regular basis. But the future freaks me out more than it probably should. And if I am not worrying about the future, I am at least pondering its possible outcomes.
So, in terms of this blog, I wonder how far it will go. I do not want to be the next Julie Powell for two reasons: I am not a "foodie," and we saw the inevitable decline of her life as an author. (And we cannot forget the large contrast between the author and her kind-natured portrayer, Amy Adams.) While the movie is enjoyable, and the idea interesting enough to a blogger, it seems illogical to pray one day someone will ask me to take my experience writing a blog and compile it into a book, and eventually be signed a movie deal. I see many blogs who succumb to signing their soul over to handbag giveaways and developing an entire left or right column of their page to nothing but sponsorships that have yet to capture my attention. I would hate to find, in a year or so, my blog cluttered and only half of the posts dedicated to my original intentions: expression.*
I am here to write. Not "here" as in a member of Blogger. I am here on this planet to write. I may not be the best artist, but I use it expressively, in whatever facet it may come. Personalization is what gives art its value, after all. But I see posts on Twitter, Facebook and blogs of people proudly enjoying their moments in their local post, a feature in a prestigious magazine, an online spotlight and the occasional shot at a book deal. It makes me wonder, if I will ever have a voice in the blogging world worth highlighting, even if for just fifteen minutes. I see bloggers with less to say than I do and more than twice the followers and respectful comments and additional feedback. It is frustrating and enough to make me answer those sponsored emails about the next handbag, shoe and couch giveaways.
Will I--by some odd twist of fate--be one of those blog one-hit wonders who publishes a book or two and then fades with the social fad (like Twitter celebrities or the aforementioned foodie), or will I have a successful blog and then likewise make my way as an author or journalist through my own degree and perseverance in the field? I would hope the latter, but Lord only knows what the future has in store for me. I am not a fan of uncertainty, but I hope I can handle it when it does strike hard. There are careers in blogging; if I ended up being one of the feature-writing columnists who snags a deal, I just hope it is right for me, and it is not my desperation as an English major to write something and have it seen.
*I am not looking down on my fellow bloggers if you so choose to partner with such. With certain categories of blogs, it is typically within their best interests to gather that sort of attention: foodies and chic blogs are the top two of which come to mind. It is just not for me.