Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Choose To Really Live

As a human being, I have an idea of how I want to be perceived and in what way I want to create this image of myself. However, if I am only working for momentary perception, the few compliments I receive will only take me as far as the air takes to travel from another's lips to my ears. I do not want to look in the mirror and see a young adult who reaches for the stars just to add another to her belt. I want more. I want the world to shake me, I am not quite as interested in if I leave a mark wherever I travel. That is the least of my worries. For I am not the first to set foot upon land, and will not be the last. I may not understand the origin of such things or why they are as trendy as they are at this moment, however I am devising a bucket list for myself. Unlike those who find their bucket lists twenty years later in the bottom of their hope chests, smudged and illegible, I plan on preserving mine. The items I have jotted on the list are as full of personality as my dreams, and, I feel, represent everything I want to accomplish and the excitement I have for the future. While I may not know when I will start or how I will begin, I want this to take me somewhere.

I have friends who have accomplished more than I in shorter amounts of time: they have seen the best architecture has to offer, met socially-declared brilliance, climbed greater mountains than I have even seen in photographs, and come away with little-to-nothing from such experiences. They have lost their spark--their fire--to keep moving and searching for daily inspiration. These friends have seen it all and have nothing to say. My bucket list contains all that I have ever spoken of achieving. As of this moment, there are roughly thirty places marked on my list I have always wanted to see. They range from within my own country to overseas. And underneath one list lies another full of things to collect along the way--memories. As stated in The Wonder Years, "Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." My memory has done me well so far, and if I could ask for anything, it is to never lose touch with the side of my brain that stores such precious jewels so that I can remember more and remain always open to the processes of learning and loving.

Textbooks illustrate the bigger picture, but I am looking for the finite details--the moments in life quickly fading, the stone on walls chipping away, the wrinkles gathering on the brow of great men. And if one day I finally sit in my dream room full of postcards and pictures of the amazing people I have met and the places I have seen, I will not see the amount of time and money spent to get there, I will not see the accomplishments of my life, but I will remember the moments I was blown away, embraced and all the times I laughed and cried. The treasures I collect along the way will not be to remind me of how amazing I am for having seen it all, but to remind me of how quickly time moves and how precious life is. The truth is, one can live forever in constant motion and still never see it all. And, as the character Logan Huntzberger says in Gilmore Girls, "People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute." I choose to really live. I shall begin where I am until I can move forward with my official list.

A bucket list is more than just a list of things to do before one dies. It is a list of purpose.


And to add a bit of humor to this post, I have posted the half of my list that talks about the places I want to visit on my other not-quite-as-awesome-blog. (Seriously, I could forget about that blog tomorrow and never look back.)


  1. It's always good to have a purpose driven life. I believe each one of us has a set of list, but our biggest enemies are fear & procrastination...well at least for me.

  2. I can definitely relate to that statement. Fear and procrastination get to me even now. Almost wrote a bit more on it but I couldn't figure what I wanted to say.

  3. Another really good one. Fine thoughts, well expressed, are always a joy -- not only to read, but to contemplate.

    Now that your writing really has blossomed, the contemplative side of you comes alive. You're always been contemplative -- "Here's To Life" gives it away. As long as you always have that, the rest is just a matter of style. Together, the contemplativeness and the style add up to "voice."

    And you have a good one.

    OK, OK. I know that's too deep. So, just for balance: I like it whwn the silly side comes out too. LOLOL ... so there.

    Love the ladybug picture. Almost all of your closeup/macro shots are to die for. Maybe that ties in with your "looking for details" ethic. I think it was Shelley who said (I can't remember the exact words), when someone called him a mystic: "Yes, I see the little things."

    I'll bet you can watch ants crawl around on peonies for hours. =D~

    Well done.

  4. Thanks. While I agree this post is not quite as detailed as my last two, I love the style I have developed so far and am very happy with it. I know it is bound to change, such is everything in life, but yeah...

    Thanks. :) Glad you enjoy the pics, too.

    Actually, I like to burn ants. :\ I guess that doesn't make me sound so thoughtful, does it? Haha.

  5. In New Mexico when I was a kid, it was easy to burn ants with a magnifying glass because the sun is so bright and clear. Like all grotty boys, I did that a few times, but it got pretty boring.

    Then my brother and I discovered we could take a whole shovel-full of red ants over to the black ant pile and vice-versa, and they'd have an all-out war!

    And in the end (this is the moral of the story, so listen up -- LOL) BOTH ant piles would be dead.

    As you may know, my feelings on war are deep and derisory. So imagine me at 9, watching total war among the ants, fascinated by their ferocity ... and thinking of ICBMs.

    No wonder I turned out like I did. LOL.

  6. Ha, nice. Best way to make them suffer is do it the way I did, pour packets of the Fire hot sauce from Taco Bell onto the hill... They'd go for it thinking it's food and then get a hot surprise. Saw a few of them drop dead right there, and if they happened to be in the way of the stream, they'd drown in their small version of Hell. ;X

  7. Oh wow. I didn't know Taco Bell could do that. Fire sauce work on fire ants too? Wow think of the puns. "For whom the Taco Bell tolls." LOL

  8. Hahahaha, okay, it's official! Next time I do that, if I ever feel the need to screw with some ants I'm definitely going to make that my battle cry!

  9. I like your idea of keeping a bucket list in plain view instead of hidden away physically and in the attic of your brain. Isn't it funny that people can do such awesome things and take away little from their experiences? I guess it's not so much how great the things you do are, but how much you savor and take away from the things you do do. So yeah, bucket lists.. it's just no good to do stuff to cross it off..

  10. I'm glad you enjoyed the post. :) And I agree with you 100%. :D


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