Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My New Best Friend



Recently, I bought a new diary. The last diary I had was filled with thoughts and feelings I would like to forget. I have entered a new phase in my life--a new level of maturity. I can better understand and accept the ability people have to get their feet occasionally caught in their mouth (or other orifices). I am capable of separating compassion and admiration from lust--a trait many of my younger friends (and some of the same age as I) have yet to accomplish. My heart beats differently, I breathe easier. My nerves may still leave me on the edge of my seat, but they no longer leave me feeling foolish. I react more appropriately and think more inwardly than I speak my mind. But to successfully live this way and continue to grow, I needed a new place to start recording my thoughts--all of them. I find myself surrounded by people who say they will listen, but do not always give me the attention I try to devote to their tales. And often the people who do sit and listen to my thoughts, do not yet understand the same things I have come to learn. It is a frustrating situation, an entrapping situation. I did, recently, have one person who not only allowed me to get everything off of my chest, but understood what I was saying. For that, I am forever grateful. But chances and people like that are a rare commodity, and it is a sad truth I have come to know in the past few years. It is why I turn to my diary. At least, there, I can say everything, even the things I would much rather keep to myself. A diary is the one place I can be completely honest and never feel judged.

Of course, it is a sad day when I can no longer rely on human contact the same way I once did. When my trust is placed solely on an inanimate object and not on a person, then I know I have fallen. I am not a pessimistic person, in fact, I prefer human contact, however, reality has taught me I cannot always get what I want. I suppose I can always sigh a nice breath of relief in knowing, with my diary, I never have to censor myself, I never have to hide anything, and I never have to worry about opposition--which may not seem like the best idea, but when one is constantly opposed outside, it is nice to come inside from the cold and feel that someone (or something) agrees with me. But no worries, I refuse to hide away from the world by means of this diary. I love life and those living it with me too much to just throw it all away for some bound pieces of paper. Besides, how ever could I trade life for imagination when the things I write about in my diary are of the people that make life worth living?

It is a new beginning and a new phase in my life.

20 comments:

  1. A diary (for me?); a pink fuzzy book, I once regreted starting earlier in life, as that I did...of course, that was years ago. This is one book, I once kept that not only haunted me but deceived people that trusted me. Casually writing I never thought that my secrets would get out, or people would ask to read then and unknowningly I'd just answer "..oh, sure...here"...afterall, these were friends, but no more. I've come to know me & diaries can never be room mates again. Ah the bittersweet memories....

    Have a nice day :)

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  2. Oh I love this post. I understand exactly what you mean. I have soo many journals online or books that I stop writing in & start a new one to start a new leaf! A new life! That's awesome that you see the difference in yourself, the maturity. It's so hard to find people who will let you bare your soul too. It really is. I wish you luck dear with your diary & the next turn of the page. =)

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  3. Tuesdai Noelle: Dang. I'm glad I haven't had experiences like that with my diaries or things I have written... :\ I would be worried what would happen if some of the things I wrote got out to people...

    Melanie: Thanks so much! I'm glad you understand... I hope you have luck in whatever you do, as well. :)

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  4. i love this post! like i love all your post! you say what you are thinking so eloquently. its wonderful!

    i have tons and tons of journals, and sometimes i'd like to forget what i wrote in them. i come close to throwing it away but i realize the beauty of the my old silly ways is that its a part of my story, my journey.. no matter how frivolous they may be!

    HOORAY for a new chapter in your life and HAPPY JOURNALING!!

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  5. I don't think i can really live a day without my diary! :)

    http://fashioncancer.blogspot.com/

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  6. Chelsea: Thanks!! Haha, yeah, I can't bring myself to get rid of my old journal, but I'm definitely going to put it somewhere where no one can find it... I don't want it to be what people read when I die. :P

    Gladys: That's cool. :) Some people are really addicted to journaling. I have been as of late.

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  7. I love this, makes me want to journal...I havent done it in a long time because I type everything...

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  8. cute blog, i am a new follower : ) check out my blog as well when you get a chance.

    www.the-blisslist.blogspot.com

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  9. Chelsea Talks Smack: I love to write by hand, as much as I do type, so I enjoy just sitting all comfortable and writing stuff by hand. :) Maybe you should get into it. :D Or at least have a journal on your computer. ;) I did that one time.

    Jonesy: Thanks. :)

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  10. I haven't had a diary in a long time. I'm not that good at writing, so I envy you for being good at keeping diaries. Do you write a lot? :)

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  11. Snoblak: Yeah, I tend to write a good bit. :P And I wasn't always good at it either, life can sometimes get in the way of it, but lately I have had a lot to say.

    tinypaperheart: Thanks! :D

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  12. Beautiful!
    even your hand witting!
    Continue to write the chapters of life1
    xo

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  13. LENORENEVERMORE: I definitely plan on it. Thanks! :D

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  14. You are just the absolute deepest thing. Definitely an old soul.

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  15. Haha, thanks, Jenny. :D I kinda like hearing that. :)

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  16. I've been let down a lot in the last couple of years, but the people I CAN count on more than make up for the duds!

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  17. Yeah, I definitely agree with you there, when you got people in your life that'll be there for ya', it makes up for everything! :D

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  18. The BBC recently did a fantastic series about diaries that I loved. It made me start writing in mine again, if only to record the tiny observations in the day that I would otherwise forget. Blogging means that I write my journal less however. I need to be more dedicated. Well done for sticking with it and being honest with your diary.

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  19. Oh really? I would love to know what the program was called. I think I might look that up later. :)

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