Sunday, February 28, 2010

Perfecting the Lie

This is a response to Mr. London Street's post, "100 Words: Lying."


He believed me not because I am a good liar, but because he needed it to be the truth.

Too much had happened last night. Too much of which either one of us were willing to discuss. The evening was simple enough, to begin with, when my friend and I decided we should gather a large group together to go see a movie. We had a rough idea for a date and a list of all those with which we wished to share the moment. Of course, it is always simple until feelings get involved. That is when it happened: the explosion.

One cannot always predict when people are going to bump heads, and the worst part about all of this is, the fault was placed on me. As if I was supposed to just instinctively know the world would collapse with one message asking people if they are free on a Tuesday or Wednesday. "You should have known better," he said. Those words stung me. This boy, who, at one time, I considered a best friend, was attacking me. "If he is going to be there, I sure as hell ain't," he added--written not just for me to read but for everyone included on the list. And while he made a fool of himself I just sat on my end of the network shaking my head in disbelief of what had occurred within a matter of minutes.

This sudden confrontation was [and is] based on several lies: secrets his friends are not telling him, truths he is suppressing. His life has become shaded by this idea of a first, true love and things she will never tell him. "What's wrong, Jennifer?" my friend Mikey asked.
"I'd have to call you," I said. Again, this was posted for more than one to see. "Don't tell the whole fucking world my business!" he said, now probably mad at Mikey. My nerves on edge and my wit at its best, "I assure you, whatever story I am telling him is not the same one you know." I had him. He knew I did, too. He continued to try and fight it, but eventually stopped and left me to the one friend who is always there when I am upset. Of course, once everything was said and done, I did call the boy and he apologized. I tried, despite his eagerness to tell me I did nothing wrong, and we discussed the situation.

Once again, I found myself suppressing what I knew and listening to his heart break apart, as usual, over this one person in his life he swears means more to him than the world. He will never admit to himself that it is not worth the time. Even though he is willing to state that this relationship he cherishes has hurt him and been the most difficult thing he has ever gone through in his life.

While he may be a fool, he thinks he is a fool in love. How could I ever explain to him he is a fool who has fallen to love? He has been crippled by this black widow, of sorts.

Had this conversation happened face-to-face, I might have still had my wit shine through and stood on top at the end. However, I will never be a great liar for one reason: my face. I have been told, on more than one occasion, my face and eyes give me away. This may give others the advantage, however, I find it annoying. He would have known I was hiding something had we been sitting across from one another. At least on the phone all I had to worry with was my voice possibly cracking. "I don't really know," I told him--over and over again.
"Jennifer, please, this is important. Do you know something I don't?"
"No, I swear."

He believed me not because I am a good liar, but because he needed it to be the truth. I lied and it kills me. But what kills me more is while I know I could never lie to his face she has and will for the duration of their togetherness. And we all have to remind ourselves it is not our place to get involved--his friends, the ones standing beside him. Being a liar is a life-long commitment, and I would only be successful if I were to surround myself with gullible people. But when would I ever have a stimulating conversation or relationship that way? Does she never feel empty and pathetic? I am not sure how to perfect the lie, and I am not sure I want to know how either.

6 comments:

  1. Caught in the middle. Now if you could just get out of the middle. I never could understand why, if A wants to know about B, why ask C? Dont get used to it! LOL.

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  2. I have, in a way, lived a lie before and I would never ever want to go back there again.

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  3. Never lie... it is to much to keep up with!

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  4. Sher: I don't blame you. It's a rough road.

    Together We Save: I plan on never going down that road...

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  5. ''He believed me not because I am a good liar, but because he needed it to be the truth''.
    wow

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  6. I wish I didn't have to say that about him.

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