Monday, November 30, 2009
(Photo Source - Adland)
It is bad enough if you are lonely, but for me, that is farthest from the truth. I am not lonely. In fact, people annoy me. I am losing faith in our species. It does not make me cynical in demeanor, however, I actually find it to be a form of entertainment. I do not want anyone, what I want is to be left alone.
Couples make it difficult for me to live life without expressing this anymore. Before, it was a well-known fact just to myself. Now, I am forced to be painfully honest with humanity: I cannot even take myself seriously, so do not be mistaken in thinking I have high hopes for you.
It astounds me what people do the minute they get a partner--
They make singles' lives a living hell.
For example: I have a few friends who have entered the world of college and already have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. Because of this, those aforementioned friends have morphed into the following:
1. Honeymoon Talkers -- the kinds of people who say they are far from being in love but always talk about their partner as if they literally know no other people.
2. Matchmakers -- Ah, my favorites... The I-have-someone-now-so-I'm-going-to-hook-up-all-my-friends-so-they're-as-happy-as-me people. (And most of these people suck at matchmaking or they're current hook-up was just pure luck so they really do not have the knowledge or skill to match their friends on the "eHarmony" level people have grown to acknowledge.) You all disgust me even worse than the Honeymoon Talkers. I can tune out that until something more relevant to talk about arises. I cannot tune you out, though. You are not just talkers, you are doers.
I am not saying I am never attracted to anyone. This is not true. I am not even a picky/shallow person. I have found myself attracted to several people over the years--even some people I probably should not have been. (I am sure we can all sympathize with that.) But people who worry too much on being with someone or who they are with lose what they have and who they are in the process... I am not going to be that person. Not to mention, I am just not looking for a relationship right now.
If some guy, right now, came up to me and kissed me and said, "I want to be with you," well now, who could turn that down? But I do not see it in my future--truth be told, most guys hate redheads--and I do not care if it is ever in my future. If I like someone, and it is appropriate, I tell that person eventually. I do not want my friends to hook me up. I do not want to hear about their partners all the time. I just want to hangout with you, not hangout with you and your partner in spirit. I just want to be alone until I find the right person for me.
I am not settling. And I am not even going to technically "look" for someone until I am out of this mindset. Which I do not think will happen anytime soon...
I am single and happy, okay? Get off my back!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Today is National Survivors of Suicide Day. I know I have lost a couple in the past...
But you know what? I know lots of people that thanks to just the love of friends and family overcame their desire... their temptation to just rid themselves of all pain altogether. I know the feeling of depression, but I still, with forked tongue spit on the idea of suicide. It is a selfish desire... I have been the victim of friends who decided the world was better off without them. They forgot one important thing: those that stood by them through everything.
The ones they could call at 3AM and even if the person was mad for a moment, they would quickly get over it the minute they realized the caller needed their compassion for the night.
The ones that always made sure they knew they were loved even if they're depression would bring them down.
The family that loved them and saw the good in them when they felt they had none.
You're leaving them in the back of your mind and only thinking of your momentary pain when you do away with your life... You forget they love you.
Someone always loves you.
If I know you, know that I love you very much and I if I didn't love you, I definitely wouldn't put up with you! We're all human... We can't just give up on each other when we're just at fault as our neighbors for one reason or another...
A girl commented earlier and said, "I've heard the selfishness argument applied both ways," and to that I responded:
"Well, of course it's going to be used both ways... They don't believe life is worth living anymore so they want to take matters into their own hands... But I can honestly say that some of those people have just given up trying to make things better anyway... I'm not talking about the people that are truly alone... You know, no friends, mean family, that sort of thing... I mean the people who have boyfriends, girlfriends, nice family, and a few good friends, and still hate life no matter what... There are instances where some people have absolutely nothing going for them, but there is always an alternative out..."