Thursday, December 31, 2009

Ring in the New Year



I remember many things, however I could not begin to tell stories of what I did last year on New Year's Eve. I suppose when one toasts to pushing "those days" behind them, such a desire can really come true. When my younger brother and I were little, my mother would give us confetti, and when the New York/Atlanta countdown had come to a close, we would toss it in the air. We did so in the comfort of our home. There were no big parties. We were not left alone with a babysitter as our parents went out and drunk themselves into some great celebratory stupor. It was just two children having fun throwing small pieces of paper in the air my mother ignorantly purchased when we could have made them for ourselves, and then watching as the same mother would spend a good hour vacuuming up the mess.

Sentimentality is not the point of this post. I am not going to say we have not done such things since, as if to add some sort of unintentional, emotional appeal. The truth is, once my brother and I got older, and my mother got wiser, we stopped doing much of anything. The lack of New Year's spirit was bound to infect our household. Not to mention, having my father home for that particular holiday is usually a losing bet--which is okay, as I have said, the New Year's celebrations are not something for which my heart longs. It is impossible to miss something never previously experienced.

However, I can say, without hesitation, this year has left me feeling more alone and more loved than I ever conceived. I have felt love's poignant sting. I have loved those I should not. I have pushed away those I should love. I have made new friends. I have lost old friends. Had reality hit me harder and learned the true meaning of "loyalty"--in that the word is an empty way to place blame on another. The human relationship is a fragile and confusing thing. Most of the psychological definition is utter nonsense and only filled with words to bolster the reputation of the psychologist reciting them, but what one should keep in mind is we need people in our lives. No matter what in life has cleverly convinced a person otherwise, we all need someone; if nothing else, a friend. I have found the ones I need and I am carrying them with me into another year.

December 31, 2009, I did actually celebrate--I gathered with a few of my closest friends. I can still hear the booming of voices and laughter at various decibels nearly shattering my ear drums. However, the clinking of glass only made me wince the first few times. Drowning all sorrows, failures, satisfactions and victories in sparkling cider, I sat with my friends and talked about nothing for what seemed like forever. I did not need a New Year's kiss. I did not need a hard drink. I just needed someone with me to bring in the New Year. I will always remember the stupid things I have done and the stupid things I will do. I will always remember the horrible things said to me, even if I have forgiven the owners of such forked tongues. I will remember everything I wish to forget. Luckily, I have some fond memories still lingering in my mind, and I hope this is one of the nights that stay with me.

And while resolutions, like rules, are made to be broken, I plan on keeping mine. Unlike some, I do not have a long list of things I want to accomplish before 2010 comes to a close. Two reasons: (1) I am out of paper on which to write such delusions, and (2) I do not have enough erasers for when my list fails to come true and I have to vigorously peel away thoughts of what could be accomplished in the future. Instead, I have made everything simpler with one idea: get things done. Anything I want can be easily achieved if I just put my mind to it. I will not be afraid to do what is best for me or for anyone else. I am ringing in the new year with a new outlook on how I live life. In October, I will be 20-years old, and the thought is so strange to me. I am getting too old to put life on hold due to my fears and apprehensions. Happy New Year, everyone. Cheers.

15 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Jennifer!

    I hope you and your loved ones have the bestest year ever!

    Cheers.

    Brenda
    XO

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  2. Happy New Year, Jennifer! I hope 2010 is good to you. You have a newfound friend in me if you ever want to talk about anything. I'll listen! Have a great day.

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  3. Brenda: Thanks so much! Happy New Year to you!

    Kristia: Haha, aw, thanks. :) Happy New Year.

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  4. Very thoughtful and sweet post. It's true that it's nice to have someone to celebrate the new year with. However I also think that being alone (by choice perhaps) is also liberating and special.

    Happy New Years!

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  5. Yeah, I know what you mean. I like my alone time, too. Sometimes even more than being surrounded by what can seem like too many people. :P Happy New Year.

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  6. Wonderful post.

    I was born in October too. The 17th. Good luck with your New Years Resolution, I hope it's not made to be broken.

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  7. Thanks! Yay for October! I was born on the 8th! :)

    Happy New Year.

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  8. Sometimes I think that loving those you shouldn't love and who don't return your love is as much the nature of life as love reciprocated. Sadly, it's a good thing! But, no matter how often it happens, you still prefix it with the word 'sadly'. Uh, sadly.

    Thank you for your honesty - it's what makes your blog such a pleasure to read, but also what makes it meaningful to you (I suspect).

    Steph x

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  9. happy new year, this post shows what a great personality you are.

    loves

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  10. Stephanie: Ha, I suppose you're right. :) Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

    Toothfairy: Thank you very much! Happy New Year to you too!

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  11. Hi Jennifer. You might consider turning off your word verification. It makes it easier for people to comment...especially if you are trying to build followers! Happy New Year!

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  12. Happy new years, J! Good luck with your resolutions -- I support you!

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  13. Jenny: People don't stop commenting just because of word verification. Besides, I don't want spam, so I keep it up. And, I know I posted that blog about my blog growing, but I don't exactly have a goal with this blog... Once school starts up, I have a harder time keeping up with posting, anyway. If people don't follow because of that, then I'm probably not at a loss...

    Jennifer: Thanks! Happy New Year!

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  14. Great post to kick off the new year! I'm glad you intend on keeping your goals for 2010.. I don't make any because I try to do the things I should anyways.. PSH.

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  15. Courtney: Hahaha, that's cool, though. I respect you for that. I wish I tried harder to just do what I should, y'know? But seriously, now that I'm in college, I seriously need to be taking my future and school seriously, and that starts this year. :) Cheers!

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